So it’s been relatively decent, living in my head lately. There aren’t nearly as many suicidal thoughts, and the brief ones I do have are quickly dismissed and not ruminated on. Switching to two 11-7 shifts in a week has helped DRASTICALLY. I’m such a second-shifter at heart. My brain usually wants nothing to do with sleep until 2 AM, so being able to sleep until 10:00 four days out of the week, rather than two, is an amazing thing. I’ve been remarkably well-rested and week two of the experiment went smashingly. Our internet went down Tuesday night, so I went to bed on time for Wednesday’s early shift, and that was even successful!
And then, there was last night. I had a massive panic attack and was up until 4:30, and then overslept my alarm. It probably went off at 6:40 when it was supposed to, but I definitely didn’t wake up until 8:00. Managing to get to work by 8:45 with a 35-minute commute impressed the hell out of my supervisor. I’ve not been late for work in several months, other than the usual 5-10 minutes if traffic is hairy, and I always call if I’m even suspicious that traffic might slow me down. We have to be there by 8:15 for our morning meeting and I am usually there by 8:05 at latest. I called at 8:10 when I got into the car, not wanting to take time away from running around like a lunatic while getting dressed, and flew.
Of course, today WOULD be the day that my supervisor’s supervisor dropped in on our meeting unannounced…
Oh, well. And now, to bed, because I was definitely hallucinating out of the corners of my eyes from exhaustion. Definitely don’t want to do that some more tomorrow.
(Note: I am writing this on Thursday night, as I always do, but as tomorrow is 11/11/11, I changed the posting time to 11:11 to be cheeky. Make a wish!)