I think I’ve found him.

Why do the best blog ideas come to me at strange hours of night when I’m supposed to be sleeping? They’re inevitably gone the next time I sit down to write. I think I really need to keep a notebook on my nightstand, so I can jot stuff down… I used to do that as a kid. I was obsessed with Star Wars once upon a time (the prequels did in my love, and I fell into the waiting arms of Transformers) and at one point I was writing the original trilogy in couplets. I wrote some awesome stuff in the middle of the night but never turned on the light… when I woke up, I realized I wrote most of the lines on top of one another and rendered it unintelligible. True story.

I periodically have bouts of guilt over not having a clue where my dad is. (I should discuss this more with my therapist, because I really don’t think I should be feeling guilt over his disappearance from my life…) Seems how I work with people as sick as my dad daily, I periodically get reminded that, well, he’s just really sick, and I think somewhere, deep down, he loved us. So lately I’ve been searching for him on Facebook and random googling about to see if I can find him.

I think I did. I found a resume from 2007 that reads a bit embellished, but the towns and years are correct, and considering there was a California-Michigan-California bounce in there, involving very small towns, it can’t be coincidence. It is completely unrealistic or idealistic, perhaps, stating he was the president and founder of companies that sound awesome but are simply castles in the sky. I know he would “start companies” in that he’d get official letterhead printed up and business cards with fancy titles on them.

Back in the 80s I know he actually managed to get a few things started, and then he gave the reins to someone else (read: was kicked out because he was completely out of control, between the rampant mania and alcoholism.) I also know he worked at Apple back then, and that was in there, so I found him, or at least remnants of him. There aren’t any links to anything else, just this lone resume drifting in cyberspace. It has phone numbers and an email address, but I don’t necessarily want to call or email him. I guess I just want to know he’s alive, so I know I could make contact if I wanted to.

Last I knew, he would periodically email my mom, and then when his mother passed away in 2008, he stopped emailing her. His mother was the only family member he hadn’t completely alienated, so he sort of drifted away and as far as I know, hasn’t been seen since. I don’t know if he’s alive, and that makes me sad. I just hope there’s a case manager like me out there with my dad on her caseload, doing her best to give him something of a quality of life, despite his best efforts to the contrary. I know I’ve got a lot of clients that had children and haven’t seen them in decades, so it’s quite possible. Heh. Maybe his case manager is the child of one of my clients.


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