So I don’t ordinarily go so quiet during a decent month, and May has been quite decent, but it has also been stupidly busy.
Last weekend, I moved. After a lot of searching, I found a little two-bedroom apartment with heat and water included that I can almost afford, halfway across town. My mom, my sister, her boyfriend, my boyfriend, his sister and her fiancee all helped, and we hauled all of my stuff up to a third-floor apartment. It’s really coming together. I am doing a fantastic job of ignoring the remaining boxes and my complete disaster of a craft room. I also discovered that I completely and totally suck at spreadsheets, and had mucked up my budget spreadsheet in multiple places, which is why I can almost afford this apartment. I’m going to have to withdraw money from my 401k to pay off a credit card, so I can afford, y’know, gasoline. I’ll be okay in a couple months, so long as I budget well. I’ve just never been all that fantastic with budgeting to begin with, so it’s an ongoing exercise in “wait, I have to spend *how much* on *what*?!” My mom and my boyfriend both have made it clear that I can ask for help, but I *hate* asking for help. I’m twenty-eight years old, I should be able to do this by now!
I feel so relaxed, other than the occasional moments where I feel like my old roommate will come fuss at me for still being up, or my paranoia that someone’s watching over my shoulder (this tends to turn out to be the cat, nowadays.) This place is *mine* and nobody else’s.
In other news, my little sister got a fantastic job fresh out of college making like, ten grand more than me, in my city. I’m excited to get to spend time with her, because she’s always so busy whenever I visit that I might see her for three or four minutes before she’s off and running to the next thing. She’s a social butterfly, and I’m more like a social snail. I creep along and hide in my shell when too much is going on around me. She’s excited, too, and is already planning things we can do. I just hope I can keep up with her.
My tenth reunion from high school is coming up, as I keep being reminded by the facebook group. It occurred to me the other day that it has been ten years since I heard my father’s voice. When we were at the graduation ceremony, he called, leaving a message for me where he said “I’m proud of you” for the first time I could ever recall. He took off in 2008 when his mother died, and as far as I know, nobody I know has heard from him since. He pretty thoroughly burned all of those bridges, and I mostly just feel sorry for him now. I hope he’s gotten treatment, and he’s being cared for. I sort of perversely hope he is driving some poor case manager as completely batty as some of my clients make me.
I was supposed to go to Tennessee this weekend for a Renaissance festival with my boyfriend, his sister, and her fiancee. I bailed, because I was having a panic attack about money and my inability to make a spreadsheet, and I was nearly out of medication, and the refill hadn’t arrived in the mail. I didn’t think “get hospitalized in Tennessee, the state that hates you” was something I really needed to do. (Every time I drive through Tennessee, it tries to kill me. The state is simply out to get me in its entirety.) I felt awful and I know it made my boyfriend upset, but I didn’t dare go in the state I was in. Seeing how much they did? I never would’ve made it, and I would’ve dragged everyone down with me. I mostly slept this weekend, and plan to continue to do the same tomorrow morning. Three day weekends are awesome like that.
Happy Memorial day, everyone. Thank you to all of the men in my family who have served, some of whom lost their lives in the line of duty; thank you so much.