I got to have a disciplinary meeting today, and got a formal disciplinary memo for my employee file, over tardiness, of all things.
Getting up has always been the bane of my existence. I’ve always been an insomniac night owl, so getting up in the morning is a challenge unmatched in many areas of my life. I just honestly don’t. care. in the morning; five more minutes of sleep is “totally worth” being late to work. I end up cutting it super close and if something goes wrong (like, a train on one of the three tracks I have to cross, or a car accident on the interstate,) I’m late. I’m already given a fifteen-minute grace period- I definitely abuse that one. Instead of making sure I’m out the door by 7:30 to use that grace period for what it is, I make sure I’m out the door by 7:45.
I don’t know if I’m consciously sabotaging myself or what. I don’t think I want to be fired, but yet I resign myself to it with a shrug and a helpless “whaddya do?” expression.
I guess I want to give up. All signs point to it. But I do like being employed, I do like helping people, I do love my coworkers.
I guess I’m just really, really tired.