I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but one of the things I do when I am having trouble sleeping (aside from taking a klonopin, as I start to get increasingly anxious when I am having trouble falling asleep) is meditating, and having a cup of herbal tea. I love Yogi’s bedtime tea, both because it tastes good, but also because there is a nice message on the tag. The other day, when I was in a particularly bad state, the tag said “Live and let live.”
I took that to heart, and as a sign that I needed to stop the suicidal thoughts, and focus on living.
My tea saved my life, guys.
In other news, I am finally starting to feel better! Sunday I took my sister to Faire, and we had a great time. She enjoyed it, and it was nice to finally introduce my sister to some of my friends. I just felt good. Not a single bit of anxiety, and I was actually a little elevated, but not so much so that it was a problem.
…Well, until now, of course, when not being able to fall asleep (but dozing) led to that telltale pressure in my chest that led to me getting up (It’s 1:30 in the morning, seriously brain, WTF) and write this blog while drinking a cup of tea. My tag says “You are unlimited” today. I’ll take that to heart, too.
I’ve discovered Unfuck your Habitat, which is changing my cleaning habits. After neglecting my apartment for… well, as long as I was severely depressed, so more than a month, and it’s pretty gross. The floor in particular, seems how my cat cannot seem to use the litterbox without taking half of it with her when she gets out. And I managed to bring home a couple small, bloodsucking visitors, and I discovered that Raid has made bedbug foggers and spray now. I used the foggers on Friday, and am now in the process of systematically scrubbing every horizontal surface, with particular attention being spent on anything that might have anything to do with food. Good progress was made this weekend, which might also be part of my fantastic mood, and my sister is going to help me continue to unfuck my apartment. I want to focus on my living room, floor, and craft room, as I’ve finished the bathroom, most of the kitchen (still have a couple surfaces to scrub to within an inch of their life) and most of the dining area, except for the floor in all these areas. My room is full of bins awaiting unpacking and arranging in my closet, but until the exterminator comes on Wednesday to
overkill eradicate any remaining foes, they will be remaining in their nice, safe bins. All of my laundry got done, anyway.
I must be feeling better. I’m very chatty, even on my blog. So many stories! Especially how my cat managed to have an accident in her crate while in the car during Operation Impending Doom 3 (my boyfriend and I called the initial battles one and two. Three is turning out much easier, as I identified and acted on the problem quite rapidly.) My cat got a bath at like, two in the morning Friday night/Saturday morning and her crate still needs work. My boyfriend and I went to a very nice laundromat that will continue to receive my services from here on out and did laundry while waiting for it to be safe to return to my apartment, so I have clean everything. Clean sheets are like a dream. 🙂
I’m going to focus on drinking my tea, meditating, and calming down for sleep, and that likely includes getting off my computer. Hopefully this newfound awesome goodness of a mood keeps. Granted, there were multiple med changes involved- my synthroid was increased from 100 mcg to 112 mcg, I added vitamin D3 to my regimen as those levels were a bit low, and my psychiatrist increased my wellbutrin from 75 to 100, and will likely take it to 150 next week when I see her.
Things are finally looking up, and there is light at the end of this storm.