I had my yearly review at work on Thursday and it wasn’t pretty. I’d like to think I’m good at my job, but on a scale of 1-5, I scored solid 3s, with two or three 1s in my worst areas. Even when I asked, ‘Have you seen ANY progress since I started recovering?” the response was “There’s some there but it’s not enough.”
I swear, I think giving simple positive feedback would kill my boss. I haven’t got a leg to stand on, but the constant barrage of negative is NOT helping me feel more motivated to work harder. It makes it harder to work, because I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. I mean, everything I do is just satisfactory? I don’t excel at anything, ever?
Why do I bother?
This led to a near-breakdown at Big Lots where I found a comfy couch out of the way and simply cried. I got back to work and finished out the day, but I still feel miserable, and am having thoughts about giving up.
I’ll definitely be talking to my therapist about this on Saturday…