Back in the saddle, as it were.

So after my awful, awful review at work, I fell to pieces for a few weeks, got written up for late notes, stopped mood charting (which makes me sort of mad because I’m not sure I can remember back far enough to fix the gaps, and gaps make my brain twitch,) and ultimately have decided to just accept what’s happened and move forward before I self-destruct. Again. I don’t think my boss is deliberately mean, she’s just so very, very type A and just not a natural leader, so we end up with a horrible rift during our team meetings, and yet I can go talk to her one-on-one and her therapist side takes over, and things are fine. It’s really, really weird.

One of my girlfriends at work has put in her two week notice. She got an awesome job at a school, so she gets time off like a teacher, without the same continuing education and licensure requirements, which makes us all mad at her and jealous, but happy for her too. She’ll be much closer to her home and I know that’ll make her a lot happier, so she can be there for her son more. She did volunteer to cover Black Friday if needed, as our clients tend to implode on long weekends and four-day weekends are even worse. I worked Christmas last year, so I’ve been playing the “not it” card. My family lives so far away, I don’t get home to see them but twice a year, usually, so I volunteer for other holidays instead.

I finally got a paycheck decent enough to get things caught back up, thank god. A friend had to Western Union me money the week before last, which led to a two-day panic attack amplified by the fact that I’d run out of klonopin and my pharmacist forgot to fill my prescription when I reordered it the week before, so I was stuck in a corner for two days. My friend is repaid, my hair is finally cut, I can afford groceries AND laundry this pay period, I’ll be able to get my oil changed after having to go almost 3000 extra miles (I checked it constantly to make sure I wasn’t running low and it’s not too grungy, either, because I have always been very timely with my oil changes and I’m the only person who’s ever owned this car)… And now that my coworker is leaving, we’ll go down to only three people on the crisis phone, so I’ll get that extra $225 two out of three paychecks instead of every other. That’ll make things go a lot smoother, too.

As a side note, go see Wreck-It Ralph. It is fantastic and well written and made me cry both times I saw it in the theatre. I also enjoy that there’s BadAnon in it, and the motto is “One game at a time.” Sometimes it’s good to remember that I just need to make the next right choice, and remember that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. I can do this, if I just focus on the bite on my plate. I can. I can do this. I can. I just have to get my sorry butt to bed so I have a good morning, and a good week.


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