So… after the Thanksgiving fiasco with me ending up too manic to function, and the therapy disaster that led to a week of near catatonia… I have a battle plan for Christmas. It is a twofold plan:
To save my stupid life I cannot remember to test out the Rozerem that my doctor gave me samples of to try. But it’s going home with me, along with my usual plethora of medications that I take to sleep, and my mom has a huge collection of herbal teas. I’m going to set my phone to wake me up at the time I usually get up and try like hell to ACTUALLY HOIST MY SORRY ASS OUT OF BED. I will do my darnedest to have no caffeine later than 2 PM. (I actually was reading an article about sleep today that said 2 PM; I’ve always thought 4 was a good cutoff. Guess I was waaaay off and it might explain a few things.) If I can keep my sleep cycle right, I can hopefully not lose my mind when I get back from Michigan. My bank account will thank me.
I will take breaks from my family when they are overwhelming me and I am getting too stimulated. I will set boundaries with my mom again about my weight and very carefully explain why I want her to respect them for realsies this time, and maybe take my stack of books home, including Health at Every Size, so she can read the SCIENCE! behind it all. (She denies any science exists, but it’s there… Every study EVER, in fact, going back decades, shows that diets do not work in the long-term and are often detrimental to your health.) I’m a big fan of science over “everybody knows” common sense stuff that doesn’t always hold up. Like, oh, my personal favorite: “We’re kicking you out of the Education program because you’re bipolar, and everyone knows bipolar people kill kids.” Because the 5% of the population of the country that is bipolar is a raving maniac and hurting other people- the SCIENCE! actually says that people with mental illness are WAY more risky to themselves than anyone else. I will set boundaries with any other family members that decide that my fatness is going to kill me, and I will not tolerate diet talk, fat shaming, food shaming, etc. I will walk away from conversations if I need to.
The big family shindig with my extended family is on Sunday. Saturday is my siblings, possibly minus my brother, though he and his family will be there Sunday, and hopefully again on Wednesday. The rest of the time my sister will be there, and hopefully I can lean on her for support as needed. She’s become my best ally in such a short time.
So, we’ll see how this goes. Wish me luck- I think I’m gonna need it.