So… I lost my job today.
I’ve seen it coming for a long time; I’ve been fighting it off, but the stress of it was definitely getting to me. All kinds of changes coming to the system itself, and I’d just been hoping it would all hold together until April when the billing system for ACT changed so productivity would change and I would be able to bring in the sort of productivity they want, consistently. (ACT is not designed the way productivity works with standard and intensive case management, never was, so getting new ACT codes was going to be awesome.) During a staff meeting today, they announced that the state pushed that back to July 1. My stomach hit my shoes.
An hour later, I was fired, and had to box up all my stuff and leave. I held it together until I was safely leaving and in my car. I called my mom, who seemed as stunned as I still am, but also had been expecting it, too. And I figured she’d go there but “you’ve got to be at work, everyday, and if you can’t do that, I don’t know what to tell you” came out of her mouth just the same. I remember saying, “Don’t worry, I beat myself up over that every day just fine, thank you,” rather bitterly. She replied with “I’m not beating you up with it, just stating a fact.”
FMLA is different, though. Productivity on those days was not counted against me. It was the fact that I simply couldn’t produce at the level they wanted and keep up with paperwork and keep it to 40 hours a week simultaneously. When I was on my own before, I kicked butt every month and had bonus nearly every month. ACT is set up differently so I am not surprised.
I am scared, though.
My sister knows, and she’s coming to take me to her house tonight, let me do my laundry there for free instead of the laundromat as I was expecting. My old roommate knows, and I’ll be getting the key my ex has to give to her, so now two people can check on me if needed. People who might be concerned have my sister’s number so she can come check on me if they are concerned. I’ve got a safety net set up that way.
Now I get to figure out setting up unemployment, hopefully GETTING it, paying for COBRA (Or not; my doctor’s appointments aren’t that much more without insurance, and all of my medication is generic and I never billed it through my insurance anyway because insurance charged more than my pharmacy does if they don’t run the insurance, so I might just let it lapse and sign up for the high-risk pool after six months if I don’t find something with insurance by then.)
Anybody know anyone hiring in Cincinnati? I’ve got a couple ideas for places to follow up at, though I’ve got to figure out what I did with my resume (I honestly think the last time I updated it was one computer ago so I might need to retype it from a hard copy, joy) and start looking again on Monster and Career Builder, which I honestly should’ve started doing MONTHS ago but I was just hoping to hold on until April. Everything was going to be better in April.
Back in the fall, when I had my fortune told with Jenning’s stones at Faire, the girl reading them told me I needed to start saving money and something was going to change in my financial situation in eight months, which would be May. I knew it would change in a year and eight months once my car was paid off, but I definitely was hoping it wouldn’t be this.
My greatest fear of all of this? Losing my cat. She’s been in my face since I got home, and is presently snoozing on my feet. I don’t want to have to rehome her. She’s so important to me, and I love her so much. I’ve had her almost seven years now, in June. She’s officially a “senior” at nearly eight and I don’t know how I could do it. Honestly, she’s got WAY more food than I do right now, so she’ll be fine that way.
I just… I’m living as cheaply as I humanly can. I’ll call my student loans and beg for a forbearance, but I think I’m out of time on one of them- though I don’t know if losing your job counts. Financial hardship for serious there. Other than that, there aren’t really any bills I can cut; water and heat are included in my rent, which is some of the lowest in the city, electric is obviously a necessity, I ALMOST own my car so I’m not giving up now for something unreliable, the insurance on said car is critical to keep, and I need my phone and internet to, y’know, get another job, and keep what income I can get from my shop rolling. I have two credit cards to pay off that I’ve maxed out since things got really bad over the summer and I started missing a lot of work. So… yeah.
I’m really tired now. But at least I’m thinking forward and not in any other direction. I need to just sit down and make a list of what needs to happen, and start working on it, first thing in the morning. Right now my brain is just… off. I need to call my therapist and talk to her but then the amount of THAT bill starts running through my head, and I already owe their office so much money… *sigh*
I can do this. One step at a time.