Quiet fears and what-ifs

I worry that, now that I’ve lost my job, my mom and stepdad will see me as even more incompetent than before. Their overall attitude about the disabled population is one of quiet disdain; ‘they should just go and get a job already because (random person A) can do it so why can’t they.’ I’ve worked since I was sixteen, and am nearly twenty-nine now. My stepdad has never been pleased with my progress for whatever reason (they might be his own and irrational, but I still have to deal with them in how he treats me) and now I’m afraid mom will join in.

What if I can’t get another job? What if unemployment doesn’t work out and I get turned down? What if I have to move back home? What if I do have to go on disability?

I just want to run away, hide under the blankets or inside a shell of mania, so the hurt won’t get to me.

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