I really suck at goals, but at least I’m meeting them. Sort of.

After doing a whole lot of lying around like a lump last week, I finally got sick of the constant fear and set the goal that I would complete 20 job applications this weekend.

I did fifteen in one sitting on Saturday morning after not sleeping, and crashed at one in the afternoon. I got back up at eight or so and completed the remaining five, and went back to bed at two AM. I slept until 5 PM on Sunday, but I guess I must’ve needed it.

It was the first sleep I’ve had that wasn’t truncated by nightmares, though my dreams are pretty bizarre anyway, and in hyper color. (There are some women who have an extra cone in their eyes. They’re known as tetrachromats. I strongly suspect I might be, as colorblindness runs in my father’s side of the family- he had an uncle who evidently only saw everything in grey, and my father himself was colorblind to green- so I potentially carry the gene for the extra mutant cone. I see color variations that other people don’t, which makes me wonder.) My dreams are full of colors I can’t even describe and very, very vivid. I can still remember dreams now from childhood, and I can recognize places in my dreams that I visit often, and occasionally I have lucid dreams where I can fly. Those are the best. I didn’t have any of those, but I dreamed about my first boyfriend, from high school, and ended up looking him up on Facebook. I may have found him, but his profile picture was a full-body shot, thus making it really hard to make out facial details, and he had no other useful information up (where he lives, age, etc), but it looked like him. We’ll see.

I got to file for the weekly stipend of unemployment, and I finally understand the process. You file at the beginning of the week, and at the end of the week, you claim it, and report two of the jobs you applied for, and the status of said job. Then you get to file for the following week. It’s an interesting process, and all of this is a lot of work for a whopping $303 a week, but if it pays the bills, it pays the bills, and I’ve got rent coming due. I’d just like to be employed again, as much as being able to sleep as much as I want is sort of nice. It’s also SUPER boring and I’m turning into a hermit, which I always knew I would if I had nothing better to do. Getting dressed and leaving the apartment seems like a lot of work, especially if I don’t need something, as I don’t exactly have money to throw around right now. I do need to pick up a few essentials and need to get ink for my printer so I can ship some orders, but otherwise? I’m a pretty boring homebody. And my sister’s fiancee was in town, so I didn’t even have her to drag me out of the house.

I have gotten two commissions done, and am just waiting for charms to arrive to finish the only other pending one on my list. And I’ve got more pieces planned, I just prefer to work during the day. Working at night is very straining on the eyes because the lighting in my craft room is terrible- I’ve really got to figure out how to hang my shop light- and it tends to make me manic, which is something I’d like to avoid right now. Hell, I’m just trying (and completely failing) to continue a normal sleep cycle. Maybe now that I’m actually sleeping well, I’ll be able to get that back on track.

I need a new goal for this week. I definitely want to shoot for twenty applications this week, as I applied to all the obvious things already, and hopefully I’ll hear from some of the places I applied to soon.


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