So, this last weekend was… interesting. Sorry I sort of phoned in on Friday, I was tired and remembered I hadn’t written a post, but yet it set a record for the most likes ever, so I guess I did something right, despite not being very happy with the post myself. XD
My sister came up Friday night and she’s the one who brought me home Sunday, and so while we were both there, mom arranged to have my nephews over so we could see them. Oh my goodness, little boys are a new flavor of exhausting. We got to introduce the older one, who’s nearly five (but doesn’t quite understand that his birthday being in two months means he’s almost five, he insisted he was four, which was adorable) to Cinderella, which he’d never seen. My brother and I were obsessed with that movie at his age, and he definitely really got into it. His one-and-a-half year old brother didn’t really seem to care either way. I can’t believe how huge the younger is getting, as I only see him every couple months, and he’s suddenly a little boy instead of a baby. It’s sort of blowing my mind. He’s still just the happiest little guy, and nothing phases him, but he has this absolutely adorable level of seriousness when he’s telling you something unintelligible, which is so like my brother it makes my brain hurt.
My older nephew loves Transformers, so he and I have a good time. We even have matching backpacks, which amused the hell out of me, except I also have a matching lunchbox, and I have Transformer keychains hanging off of the backpack zippers, which made the nephew jealous. He wanted me to let him have them but I was worried about the younger nephew managing to eat a piece of them, as they’re tiny action figures with multiple points of articulation and are therefore breakable, as indicated by the fact that one of Bumblebee’s feet lives in my car after I caught it in the door and broke it off.
I told the older nephew that he’s my favorite older nephew when I hugged him, and he said, “I know,” and smiled the most adorable smile ever. My sister accused me of being a suck-up but I know I’m the favorite aunt. I keep winning Christmas and birthdays, after all. The nephews will never want for Transformers, that’s for sure. I also introduced the older to My Little Pony Christmas of 2011 and he’s obsessed with it now, which also makes me happy. I love this kid.
As far as everything else went, things are still in the air, and I immediately fell into old habits when I got home, staying up until almost 5 am watching SciShow on YouTube. In my defense, it is AWESOME and SCIENCE. I had been having stomach issues on the drive back down and didn’t feel well today, so I slept most of the day, having those weird, awful dreams you have when you’re sick, so I might’ve been running a fever, too. I then found a notice from my landlady under the door because I forgot to go give her my rent, so that’s definitely happening first thing tomorrow morning. Also, going to the bank, and grocery shopping, because I made sure my fridge was empty of things that would expire before I left (and I managed to forget foods in my mother’s fridge that were supposed to come back with me. Oops.)
Mom sort of freaked me out, with this very robotic, “We’ll be in touch” when I was saying goodbye. It scares me when she is all serious like that.
I think the thing that is scaring me the most about all of this, is the fact that I don’t know how stable I’ll be on my own. I know I live alone now, but it wasn’t long before my sister moved to town, and we’ve seen each other at least once a week since, and she helps keep me functioning. Once she gets married and moves away, I’ll be alone again. I’m not dating anyone right now, and I’m not very good at going out and socializing, usually talking myself out of it before I leave. Even going to the grocery store can take several false starts, such as today. I could’ve gone Sunday night, I had plenty of time, and I had all day today, though I was having some stomach problems. I hopefully will go tomorrow but who knows?
It scares me that I am so very dependent on others to function. When I’m alone, I don’t take very good care of myself, and I’m slowly accepting this, though accepting that I need to live by family for that support is not as easily swallowed. I miss Michigan, but the economy up there is really bad, and there are very few jobs.
I still just don’t know what to do, and that’s terrifying. I’m going to be very dependent on my parents right now financially, and I don’t know for how long. I think at this point, if I haven’t found a job by May my parents will be packing me up and moving me home. That’s… not a lot of time. I need to start looking into attending job fairs and such, and they want me to keep applying for jobs in Michigan as well. If I can find something up there, at least then the move won’t feel quite like giving up, but more of a relocation.
I just really, really don’t want to relocate.