It’s amazing what a little self-love can do to improve things.

Slight TMI warning, as I am a woman, and, well, yeah.

So it’s amazing how badly PMS, lack of sleep, and missing a dose of medications affect me. Just one of those things can turn me into a ragebeast; all three? Whew. Trying to find my center and meditate Tuesday was pretty much impossible. I was supposed to go to my sister’s for dinner but I was literally too frazzled to even think about driving. I tried to take a nap before I went, as I was attempting a redeye to reset my sleep cycle, but I was too agitated and anxious to sleep, so I texted her and then took a klonopin so I could actually rest. I slept a few hours, got up to eat some dinner, and went back to bed. I slept fantastically well and got up this morning, though I then spent two hours in the fetal position with some horrible cramps. Ugh. Thanks to the wonders of birth control, they’re mostly contained (I used to miss at least one day of school per cycle before) but every couple months they’re worse than usual, and this month my uterus decided I deserve to suffer. Caffeine and ibuprofen seem to have beaten it back for now.

I did leave the house Tuesday, which was positive, and I rescheduled with my sister for Thursday evening. When I was out, I bought some bubblebath, a relaxation bath bomb, a mud mask, and a new foot care thing- my last one broke and was getting kind of gross- and had a bath when I get home. I even used some of the fancy tea tree oil foot cream I got somewhere and gave myself a foot massage, and was all fancy and put on socks so it would soak in (and I wouldn’t slip and fall.) I haven’t tried the mud mask yet but I’m planning on taking a bubblebath today, applying said mask, and maybe reading for a while. Reading in the tub makes me a little nervous that I’ll accidentally dunk my book, but it’s not so bad of I’ve got a towel at hand to alleviate that anxiety.

With the overall improvement in my mood, and the fact that I’m actually conscious when it’s sunny out, I was able to be productive today. I applied for somewhere in the ballpark of fifteen jobs, maybe closer to twenty (the quick apply button on CareerBuilder is neat) and I’m going to get a little tidying done, and pay some bills.

There’s a nature preserve not too far from here, that I wanted to go for a walk in, but I need to buy a pass. It’s only $10 for an annual pass, but I don’t carry cash. I need to remember to go get some cash the next time I’m at my bank. Even if I do only live here until May, if I go for a walk a few times a week, it would still be super cheap and it would make me feel a lot safer than just randomly walking around anywhere in the city. Not to mention we once lived in a house that was flanked on two sides by a nature preserve. I’d hop the fence and wander for hours most days. I miss that.

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