Ick ick ick

So I caught a bedbug in my bed the other day, and then today, Sunday, one was crawling on my shirt.

Be right back, busy scrubbing off my skin.

(I can’t think, I thought this was OVER, I’m hoping maybe there were two but somehow I doubt it. Gotta clean everything, the paranoia’s back…)

I managed to sleep sixteen hours between Saturday night and Sunday. I slept fantastically well because I wasn’t afraid of my own bed.

And here we are again…

Edit: It’s now 9:10 AM on Monday, and despite my best efforts (and being super sleepy, even after my sleep marathon) and copious amounts of various drugs, I still have yet to sleep. Every shift of the covers against my skin freaks me out. I even tried letting in the cat to cuddle and that helped until she decided poking at the art on the wall was more exciting than sleeping and I had to kick her out.

After discovering the bedbug crawling on me- my allergic reaction to them is speeding up to the point that I’m catching them in the act- I sprayed EVERYTHING down with rubbing alcohol. My bed, the couch, all the likely spots it might be hiding, other than under the couch because I couldn’t manhandle it upside down by myself. (I did try.) I placed my new pheromone traps that finally arrived at all four corners of the bed. I wrote the date on them, so I’d know when to replace them. The box says they’re good for six months but I got them in October and saw no signs in them, so I think I’ll shift to closer to three to four months to make sure they’re working properly. I’m not sure what the half-life of the pheromone is. I left the window open in my room to air out, so hopefully I could sleep without a panic attack. The smell of the rubbing alcohol makes me feel anxious and shaky and like my life is spiraling out of control (which it is. Oh, how it is.)

I called my landlady a few minutes ago to let her know about my uninvited, unwanted houseguests, and she’s going to call the exterminator and get back to me. I’m sleepy, but not sure if I should try to sleep- or even can at this point- lest I miss her call. Lately I’ve been having so many sleep problems, that when I do manage to fall asleep, I don’t hear my phone or alarm clock despite them being only inches from my head.

I probably should try to sleep, though. I’m getting morose and self-depreciating and starting to think in directions I really don’t need to go. I just… I tried SO HARD to regulate my sleep cycle AGAIN and I don’t need to bork it up again. At the same time, I want to give up, because I’ve applied all over and… nothing.

Back during the Renaissance Festival, I had my fortune told pretty much every weekend. One of the fortunes involved my life changing dramatically in eight months. Eight months from that reading is May. I’m hoping it doesn’t mean having to move to Michigan but I’m afraid it is.

I’m so tired of not knowing. I feel like I’m in a free fall with no parachute, and I wonder how much longer before I’m a splat on the pavement.

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