I really, really have no idea what to talk about.

It’s amazing how not getting enough sleep and/or getting it at weird times makes my brain go “screw this noise, you’re on your own, kid.” I try to be all deep and philosophical sometimes and then there are days like today, where it’s 2:28 in the morning and so I’ve got 9 1/2 hours to come up with a post. So I’ll just babble today.

I recorded a song the other day. It’s a lullaby I wrote, for one of my novels. I’ve been actually WORKING on said novel and so I decided to record this for posterity. It’s in black and white because the lamp next to the couch has a yellow shade, so I end up a really weird color otherwise. I’m also working on developing the dragon language for my books, and language building is complicated. Especially now that I remember that there’s an old version and a new version that’s actually possible for humans to hear and speak. (The original was designed to be completely impossible to pronounce, and about half of it was below the human hearing range.) I have… an alphabet I devised in college, with the pronunciations of each syllable- yes, syllable, not letter- it corresponds with, because I love making my life complicated. I have a smattering of words here and there, and half of them don’t use any of the syllables I devised. I need to hunt down all those words and come up with some new letters and syllables, I guess.

I had a nightmare that I was at my parents’ house and aliens were trying to abduct me. The ship was making this horrible windstorm sound, and I could feel it tugging me, trying to get me out of the room I was hiding in. I couldn’t get the door to latch shut (which is true of about half the doors in my parents’ house, it’s old) and I couldn’t yell for help. I woke up tangled in the sheets, and the wind outside combined with the fan I keep running for noise and air circulation was making that horrible sound.

My sister and I went out this weekend for my birthday, and it was a lot of fun. We found the guy’s ties for her wedding after a lot of looking. At some point, I mentioned that I was planning to get a bikini for the summer, because I am comfortable in my skin and I want to take that step. My sister, who is obsessed with her own weight, losing weight, exercising excessively and not eating enough on a daily basis, gave me a funny look. I simply shrugged and said “I’ve got it, I’m gonna flaunt it.” She didn’t respond. I wish I could’ve been in her head right about then.

Of course, actually *finding* a bikini will be a challenge. Ashley Stewart probably has some. Lane Bryant does have two-pieces, but they’re all tankinis, which is basically what I have already. My sister’s wedding is on the west coast of Michigan. I get to swim in a lake in the summer. I’m going to do it in a bikini because I have never worn anything but a one-piece and I have let other people dictate that the way I look isn’t good enough to wear a bikini. I’m done with that. I’ve made peace with myself, and now I want to be able to use my amazing self on the beach as advocating for fat rights.

I will, however, probably end up hideously sunburned, because my tummy has never seen the sun. XD I’ll make sure I pack lots of SPF50…


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Filed under Civil Rights, Fat Rights, Now

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