Last week was not a pleasant week.

I guess I completely forgot to write a post on Friday, but that’s okay, because I spent most of the day sleeping. Along with most of Saturday. And here it is, not yet nine on Sunday, and I really want to go back to bed again.

Thursday’s job interview went really well, I think, and I was given info about the job requirements, the benefits, and a take-home assignment of writing out how I would respond to four scenarios. I just finished writing my answers and emailed them to the supervisor who interviewed me, after being a ball of anxiety about it for a couple days.

It took me like, twenty minutes, and that was after I thought about each question for a few minutes, formulated a response, googled a word I couldn’t think of, and double-checked it to make sure I made sense.

I let it torture me for three days.

I’ve been too anxious to go to the grocery store, as well. Just doing the dishes and getting the garbage ready to take out to the dumpster was hard. I’ve not been doing so good on the “feeding myself regular meals” front, either, instead opting for PBJ or sometimes just bread with jelly. I burned through a can of Bonne Maman’s in a week, but that stuff is amazing. I hope I can get myself to the store tomorrow, as grocery shopping during a weekday is a little less anxiety-inducing than when it’s really busy in the evenings or most of the weekend. I need to clean in the house, but it takes a lot to get me motivated to do one thing. Getting the dishes done, garbage bagged up, and recycling mostly gathered, (I’m out of garbage bags so what’s in the bin gets to stay until I go to the store) was the extent of what I had the mental energy for.

Hell, the cat’s crate is still in the living room, where it’s been parked since I first brought her back from the vet with the diagnosis of “all of her teeth have to go.” I just occasionally move it with the cat inside, that’s about it.

Aforementioned cat is doing fantastically well. She’s still drooling in her sleep a lot, but otherwise she seems to be in great shape. Tonight’s her last dose of pain medication, and she needs to go back to the vet next week, but I don’t want to schedule it and then have to reschedule due to employment.

Of course, with as hard as two face-to-face interviews, one phone interview, and Chihiro’s major surgery last week was, I’m not entirely confident in my ability to work. Although maybe it was mostly due to the stress of the surgery, and being worried about how she was going to do afterwards. She’s quite the little trooper, though, and she’s almost been cooperative with the medication. I know it tastes bitter, so while she’s sort of cooperative, she still reserves the right to act like I’m murdering her.

One of my local friends had an extra ticket to the Cincinnati Rollergirls bout last night, so I actually went out and socialized. I was anxious as all hell beforehand but the game itself was great. Other than the fact that one of the girls broke and dislocated an ankle, and had to get taken to the hospital via ambulance. I periodically think I want to be a Rollergirl, and then I go to games where there are injuries, think of my own inability to handle physical pain, and change my mind. There are two teams, the Silent Lambs, and the Black Sheep. The girls on the Black Sheep are the higher-calibur players, and dear lord did they beat the hell out of the visiting team. They’re undefeated, and I can see why. The other team’s jammer spent more time getting knocked on her ass than scoring, and they won by more than 100 points.

The crazy part about the girl who got injured? The Killamazoo Derby Darlins, the visiting team, only has one team instead of the usual two, so they split the Silent Lambs into two teams, and as it was Hometown Heroes night (where military, EMS, and medical staff get discount tickets,) they did a “Heroes vs. Villains” theme, with everyone getting different names that were spoofs of various superheroes and supervillains, wearing different gear- one girl had on pants made out of comic book fabric, for example- and then just going to town on each other. The girl that got hurt was playing against HER OWN TEAMMATES and they still beat the shit out of each other. I imagine that quite a few of them aren’t going to be talking to each other for a while.

It felt really good to get out, hang out with a friend, and go to a Rollergirls bout. I hadn’t made it to one this year, OR last year, so for about half the game I was trying to remember some of the rules, but it was still a lot of fun. I’m glad I was able to get through the anxiety and go, because I would’ve missed out on a fun time.

So I’m hoping, maybe if I just power through the anxiety about working again, I can get back into the right swing of things. And even if I don’t, it’s okay. I’ve got all the paperwork for a disability case, and losing multiple jobs would strengthen the case a lot. So either way, it’s going to be just fine.

…I hope.


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