Some days, I just can’t even.

So after being kept awake all night by bites, and finally falling asleep around 9:00 am, I slept until 3:00 in the afternoon. I called my landlady to ask to have the guy come spray AGAIN and thankfully left a message because damn I don’t want to have that conversation. I also tried to finish calling in my meds- I have to pay for them- but the line was busy for literally an hour and a half, so I have no idea what was going on at the pharmacy. And then the work began.

Though there was a lot of panicking in the middle. LOTS AND LOTS.

I tore my bed apart, and bagged up my bedding to go to the laundromat. I cleaned my room, because it’s been a mess since I got back from my parents’ on Easter. That nightmare led to me never putting away anything, so everything got picked up and put where it belongs, and the laundry was gathered.

Then there was a quiet panic attack.

Next, I took my bed apart, inspecting every inch of the mattress encasements. I found a couple small holes on the box spring encasement at the corners, where the encasement rubs on the bed frame. I duct taped them, and will be buying a new encasement tomorrow, that I’m putting on top of the first one. I’ll also be duct taping the corners and other potential rub spots preemptively so this doesn’t happen again. I sprayed every inch of the frame down with alcohol, completely saturating everything, before putting the bed back together again. Putting a full bed back together is sort of difficult with only one person, but I managed, mostly because I’m embarrassed and stubborn.

There was more panicking at this point. The smell of alcohol is giving me panic attacks now, which is awesome. I opened a window and vented the room, shutting the door so it could just air out for a while.

I bagged up recycling, sorted out the hot mess that was my dining room table, and did the dishes. There were bouts of panic in between each of these chores. I just kept picking small things that I knew I could handle before returning to my huddle on the couch. At some point I called my mom, which helped, too. By now, there was a bag of garbage that I forgot to take out yesterday, two bags of laundry and the basket, and four bags of recycling that needed to go out. The sight of all those black bags was not doing good things for my overall anxiety levels. I was itchy everywhere, and I still needed to go to the laundromat if I wanted to have anything to sleep on tonight.

I finally made it to the laundromat. The one I go to is a 24 hour one, that uses cards and not coins, and there are three locations of this particular kind, one of which was in my old neighborhood. They’re always clean, well-lit, the machines are well maintained, and there’s 24 hour staff, so I feel comfortable going there. So there I was, doing laundry at midnightish, watching game shows and talking with other women who were there doing their laundry at stupid o’clock at night. It’s nice, though. Quiet, and calm, and not crowded. It was really hot in there, though. I finally was able to get my laundry folded and dragged home. I didn’t get home until about 2:30 and then collapsed on the couch. So here I am, writing a blog post before going and making my bed and crashing.

Tomorrow I get to go to Bed Bath and Beyond and buy another $80 encasement, because obviously I have $80 burning a hole in my pocket, and then I get to figure out how to get it on the mattress by myself. Though my sister’s fiancee is visiting, so maybe I can borrow him tomorrow as an extra pair of hands? It would be so helpful if he would. I’m not sure I can wrestle an encasement onto the box spring by myself.

I’m hoping duct taping the holes will solve my problem- I did find a bedbug on the box spring originally before we put it in the encasement, so if anything was infested, it was the box spring- and then adding an additional layer of protection over the original encasement, along with duct tape to keep it from tearing from rubbing on the frame, might be the answer.

God I hope it is. I just want to sleep… I haven’t gotten decent sleep in two days. It is definitely affecting my mental heath in a big hurry and I want it to stop. I’ve got plenty else to worry about; being itchy and irritable because I haven’t gotten enough sleep does not help. Not to mention I get suicidal without enough sleep. I really, really don’t need that.

So I think it’s time to go soak in an oatmeal bath to help with the itching, take a nice warm shower, and go to bed, hopefully to get some decent, uninterrupted, unbitten sleep.



Filed under Now

2 responses to “Some days, I just can’t even.

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