Late post is late

I realized I hadn’t written a blog for today last night when I was finishing my evening routine and heading for bed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get off the computer and go to bed in a reasonable time, so I said, “I’ll remember in the morning.”


I know better, I really do, but at least I got enough sleep?

The interviews went ok today, but I woke up feeling like crying and like I was already defeated. I don’t remember what I dreamed of, and if I dreamed of anything that might lead to that sort of mood. I was anxious when I went to bed but of course I was anxious. This is my last shot to stay here in Cincinnati, and I need to make it good.

No pressure, of course.

The part-time job as a leasing agent looks promising; she sounded like she would be interested in hiring me and was excited that I could start ASAP. As my sister works there and personally emailed my resume to her, I’m hoping that gives me some bonus points. She said she will call tomorrow, as she had one more interview and will make a decision tonight. So cross your fingers, folks.

First Watch is a different story. There are two server positions open, and they’re actively interviewing six people right now, and had another interview after me today. I am a regular there, so I think they’re a little worried about it getting weird, which I can understand. But I do have a lot of customer service experience and if I could make decent tips, it could be a good thing.

Servers work six days a week. I said I might be getting a part time job so I have no idea right now if I’d be full or part time, and I don’t know if they want someone only part time. I probably wouldn’t, if I was looking for a server. If any of those other people have serving experience, well, I’m probably dead in the water there. And a part-time job at 11.00/hour won’t pay even as much as my unemployment does now, so I’d still need to find something else. Though it sounds like she wants three days a week, so that’s 24 hours, but I’d not be making very much money. Just to get the bills paid, I’d need another part-time job for either twice the money or more hours.

I know what happens when I work more than 40 hours a week, and it isn’t pretty. I’ve already been sitting here crying, wondering what I’m going to do when I end up crashing and burning from overload. I’ll still be looking for full-time someplace but I need full-time that pays something I can LIVE on. I have a car to finish paying off and hospital bills and doctor bills and now cat bills and regular bills and student loans to pay off. And then there’s food, and gas, and other living expenses.

I guess I need to get busy on that disability paperwork, not that I’ll make enough to live on from disability, either.

I hate myself so much.



Filed under Now

2 responses to “Late post is late

  1. I pray all goes well in your job hunt. And please, don’t hate yourself.

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