May, you’re supposed to be BETTER. What is wrong with you?

Well, so far, nothing. The woman I interviewed with for the part-time job send me an email about a full-time job that opened up in the company around lunchtime, and encouraged me to apply for it. My sister gave me the email of the person who opened up the job and I emailed them early this morning, but I haven’t heard anything yet. I was super grateful for the lead, though, and definitely thanked her profusely for it. She is super nice.

Still getting bitten. My sister and I forgot to put the cover on my box spring and won’t be able to do so until later this week. I’m not entirely sure it’ll fix the problem but right now I’m so apathetic about it. I feel like I deserve this at this point. I’m such a terrible person, I deserve to be chewed on by horrible horrible little bugs that simply won’t leave me alone.

I’m having horrific nightmares, so I wake up exhausted, and even more run down. I went to bed and got up on time today, only to wind up going back to bed and sleeping most of the day. I don’t remember the nightmares I had last night, just that I definitely had them, but the ones from today’s sleep were pretty awful.

I was on a large commercial plane, where they hadn’t given us enough fuel and air, so we had to dump people out of the plane in order to reach our destination, which I guess was China or something. We were over an ocean for most of it. I was one of the few people who were chosen to live, and I had to watch as we’d throw people out of the plane, or even participate. At one point, we put them in a Navy ship and sank it, complete with all the Naval personnel as well. I have no idea how this worked, what with being in the air, and over an ocean, to land and put a bunch of people in an aircraft carrier, which we then flipped over and watched sink. Out of a full plane, only like, four of us survived, aside from the crew, and we kept going past other airports and I was like, “WHY CAN’T WE JUST LAND AND GET MORE GAS AND AIR?” The answer was “Because air is rationed, so it won’t matter if we stop, it’ll just waste more gas.” There was some bizarre part in the middle about a haunted amusement park that pops up in my nightmares a lot, and then later we landed on this weird island that was inexplicably explained to be owned by AIG (I asked about if their insurance would cover us?) and inhabited by bunnies, and there was this house in the middle of a topiary labyrinth. It was fabulously full of delicious desserts and cakes and breads, and smelled amazing. But the owner, who was some sort of ghost that turned into a living being, appeared and he was going to kill us. I had a sword that was made out of an African porcupine quill and I stabbed him, multiple times through the heart. He just… twisted, breaking the quill off in his body, and healed around it. That’s about when I woke up, because the four of us who had survived up until this point were trapped and unsure of what to do, while this horrifying ghost-person is going to kill those of us who had survived until this point.

I’ve felt unsettled ever since, because I sentenced all of these other people to die, and I was trying to protect the remaining handful, and I couldn’t even do that successfully. I was standing at the edge of a cliff with my broken sword, pointing it at the ghost-person, while the other survivors hid behind me, and trying to figure out how to kill something that’s already dead.

I haven’t gotten a response back from the person I emailed about the job, so my mood’s been pretty bad. I have been miserable all over, because I’m pretty much at the deadline for obtaining a new job with no prospects in sight. I had really started to believe that I might make it, that I might have a chance, but that doesn’t seem to be what’s going to happen.

I guess I start packing now? I just don’t even know…

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