Mom called me yesterday to say that we’re throwing in the towel. The day before, we’d discussed letting me stay here until August, as that’ll be after my sister’s wedding. But mom’s concerned because my moods are all over the place, I’m not sleeping regularly, I’m a stressed out wreck, etc. All of which is true. I am afraid to leave the house by myself, I am afraid to get groceries because I don’t know how much I need, I am just afraid in general. I’ve been suicidal a few times.
So on Tuesday I found out I was moving on Saturday. So yesterday I went and got more plastic bins, as a vast majority of my belongings will be in storage and I am afraid of mice or something else deciding to eat my stuff while it’s there. We’re throwing away my mattress and box spring and mom is making me throw away my bedding despite the fact that I just need to run it through the dryer and it will be fine, it’s not infested. (I might just do that anyway, because I love my comforter set.) The sheets are ready to be retired, as are the regular pillows, but I don’t want to get rid of the comforter and decorative pillows and shams. My mattress is about seven years old, so it’ll be fine to go. My loveseat and chair will also go, mostly because the loveseat is just about destroyed. I’m concerned that mom will make me give my kitchen table and chairs to my stepsister, which she’d previously mentioned wanting to do, as it was a hand-me-down from the family’s cabin and I guess that means it’s not actually mine.
My sister and I did a walkthrough yesterday, and she’ll be taking some items that she can use for now, so I won’t have to store them, as well as the food and cleaning products that are left over. She’ll take my ficus, because I don’t think it’ll travel well, and she’ll put things like my air conditioner and microwave on Craigslist for me. She brought me a ton of boxes from work, because they’ve been digitizing their files and thus have about a billion boxes lying around in an unused room until someone feels like breaking them down or taking them, and they’d much rather they go to use. So anything that’s going to my parents’ house will be in cardboard boxes, and the bins are going to storage. I’m pretty sure I’m going to the guest room, which is the smallest room of the house, so I’ve been told I can’t even bring all of my clothing and need to pick what clothing I “really” need. I’m going to keep my beading stuff with me, and the rest of my craft things can go to storage, so I can at least keep my etsy shop open.
The worst thing by far is that mom wants me to have Chihiro fostered, rather than at her house, because she doesn’t want to deal with my cat, and her dog likes to pee territorially when there are other animals or small children in the house. So I scrambled around yesterday and one of my friends agreed to foster her for me. Today, I have a doctor’s appointment for labwork so they’ll refill my thyroid medication, and Chihiro has her follow-up vet appointment this afternoon, and then I’ll drive Chihiro to Indianapolis to my friend’s house. I’ve done nothing but cry the whole time I’ve been packing up her things. I went to PetSmart and bought a new scratch pad, and a feather wand of apology, and she got claw caps and now has a sparkly pink manicure, and she got a flea treatment just in case.
I’ve never been away from this cat for more than a week in the seven years I’ve had her. To hand her to someone else to care for is breaking my heart. I feel like the worst person ever, and have been spending every waking moment cuddling her.
Mom also has laid down the law that I am going to be required to take a walk every day, I will have daily chores to do, I have to go to a support group, and my parents want me to help with food expenses, at least, and get my own internet. My stepdad wants $250 a month, which made me laugh, as I’ve been living on $75-100 a month in food since long before I lost my job. Most of my expenses aren’t going to change, as I still owe medical bills, have to buy medication, have to pay for my car and insure it, pay one of my student loans, unless I can talk my parents into paying that one, and pay for my own internet. The only bill that will go away is my electric bill, but car insurance premiums in Michigan are dramatically higher than Ohio, so I’ll probably break even there. Oh, and I’ll be paying for a storage unit for all of my stuff, too. I don’t know how much they think I’m getting every month, but it’s not that much.
I have to call and cancel my electricity and internet here, I need to rent a truck (and I have the feeling I’m going to be paying for it,) I have NO IDEA what to do about my car insurance, and I should really go take my car to the dealership to get maintenance done before I move. I plan to just come down and get my maintenance done, as I’m going to keep coming down to see my psychiatrist as well. I need to see if I can be squeezed in to see my psychiatrist this week, as my appointment is next Saturday and that’s just kinda stupid. For some reason I thought it was a month from now until I checked my calendar. I already had an appointment with my therapist on Thursday, so I guess that’s my last appointment. I’ll be going out to dinner with my old roommate Thursday evening, to say goodbye to her.
I’m so scared. One of my friends is wondering if my parents are trying to kill me, and I’m not honestly sure. I need to start packing but I don’t know where to start. I need to keep moving or I’m going to fall apart.
I guess I can start by getting ready for my doctor’s appointment, and we’ll go from there.