Nightmares

Since arriving at my parents’ house, my nightmares have been getting worse. I had a nightmare Wednesday night that I got into a fight with my stepdad over my weight, my mental health, my presence here in general…

I’ve also been having recurring nightmares about losing my car or it being destroyed somehow. That’s always been an ongoing theme with me. There have been a lot more bullies showing up in my dreams now, too, and since my car is presently in Cincinnati, now it’s turned into my bike. I had flattened all four (?) tires of my bike after my car disappeared, so I got them fixed in a car shop, and then this guy showed up to steal my bike. I got him to put it down but he tried to bend the frame, and when I tried to ride away, he was throwing snowballs with fruit in it at me. I couldn’t pedal very fast and I kept falling off my bike, and I was being pelted with fruit and harassed by a crowd that continued to increase as they followed me, jeering and calling me names.

I woke up with a headache. I wonder if that’s somehow related.

I’m just so tired, all I want to do is sleep and hide away from everything. I want to get a chance to talk about my illness and how I’m doing but things are a bit hectic with my nephew here. My stepdad’s never here, anyway; he’s always at the gym or a meeting or both and doesn’t get home until late, and then he’s heading for bed.

I’ll just keep hiding in here, I guess, until it’s safe to come out.

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