Pictures

There are exactly two photos of me on display in this house. One hallway has a school picture of all of us, and it’s just mom’s favorite picture out of our whole school career. I want to say mine’s from like, fifth grade, but I don’t really remember. In another hall, there is a large framed print of a portrait of everyone; it started out as senior pictures, and then as people get married, their wedding photograph is replacing their senior picture. One of my sisters has a lovely portrait of herself and her daughter. Mine is still my senior picture, so it’s over ten years old now.

The fridge is largely covered in pictures of grandchildren, and pictures of my little sister and her fiancee. Most of my siblings are represented- I’m pretty sure they’re all there somewhere- except for me.

I guess it’s because I’ve been in Cincinnati and haven’t made it up often, but I am usually up for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which are sort of the big two for family pictures.

I’m pretty sure it’s not deliberate or intentional in any way, but it still just… hurts. I went on mom’s computer the other day to upload some recent pictures for my stepdad’s mother, so when my stepdad went down over the weekend he could update her digital photo frame. There were picture folders of all of us, grandkids, and various family functions. My folder had three pictures- two from my high school graduation, and one from my college graduation.

I just feel like I’ve been on a back burner for a long, long time. I haven’t done anything noteworthy; I’ve not gotten married or had any kids, so the last time I really did anything worth taking a picture of was graduating college seven years ago.

And even now that I’m here, this whole time we’ve had my nephew and have been working on getting my brother moved. Mom might ask if I’m doing okay and I want to go into detail, but usually all I get out is “It wasn’t such a great brain day” and that’s it, we’re off chasing my nephew again.

I don’t begrudge anyone else their claim on my parents’ time. My sister’s wedding is in a matter of weeks, so once we get my brother moved I know I’ll be helping mom with getting the last of the decorations ready to go, and whatever else needs to be done. Maybe after that I can finally talk to her again. Of course, by then, my stepdad wants me to have a job, so I don’t know. We’ll see where I’m at in a month of doing everyone else’s stuff.

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