I tried very hard to break my toe while vacuuming today. I went to move a kitchen chair aside and slammed one of the legs down on my index toe. After elevation and ice, and taping it to the middle toe for stability, the verdict is that I probably didn’t break it, but I definitely did my best to smash it.

So, ow.

I also have no idea how I never manage to injure myself doing something COOL. Other than splitting my eyebrow open during a game of Capture the Flag in high school, I’ve not gotten any good battle stories, just stories of how I managed to attempt to injure myself doing something stupid, or actually injuring myself doing something stupid.

Such as: trying to sled down a large pile of snow that had just been plowed- my sled stopped at the bottom and I kept going, skidding down the icy sidewalk with my arm pinned under me and spraining my thumb of all things, nearly falling into the Grand Canyon because I wasn’t watching where I was going and skidding on loose rock, drinking turpentine in England because I thought it was water, stress fracturing one of the bones in my hand playing tug-of-war with the wrong kind of rope (there were quite a few of us sent to the ER that day,) breaking that bone AGAIN after slamming it into a counter at Wendy’s, which also jammed my pinkie, cutting my finger on the tomato slicer and hitting an artery at Wendy’s, breaking a rib by sliding into a sandwich board at Wendy’s, hyperextending my knee at Wendy’s, fainting and having to be taken to the ER by ambulance while taking orders at Wendy’s, splashing boiling chili on myself, dropping the ten-gallon pot, thus splashing most of it on me, and giving myself second degree burns to the face at Wendy’s… (I single-handedly destroyed the safety record of any Wendy’s I ever worked at, because I was forever injuring myself in really bizarre ways. I was required to wear ALL THE SAFETY EQUIPMENT before I was allowed to do anything involving sharp pointy things.) I fell down half a flight of stairs and landed on my knee last fall because I wasn’t watching the steps and missed one… Yeah. Never really doing anything cool, just being really, really stupid.


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