Seriously, brain, stop being such a jerk.

I spent the day in a weird “it’s storming outside and dark, so let’s feel crappy” fog. Of course, I’ve been in a brain fog for a while, it was just really bad today.

I realized last night when re-reading old things, that I was pretty much depressed and anxious most of the time I worked at my old job. Sure, I had good days, but it didn’t look very good in retrospect, for as many bad days as I had. Just that thought alone depressed me for most of the day. Once the sky cleared up a bit, I took the dog for a walk, which didn’t really help that much, but at least I got a little fresh air and sun today.

I just feel so useless, so worthless. I’m bored and miserable, and sort of just want to go work at Wendy’s until something comes along. I’d be making a bit more money that way, anyway. I won’t go until after my sister’s wedding, as I’m still working on helping with it (though I’ve not felt very helpful today) and have things to finish up. I was stressed at Wendy’s, but other than coming home smelling like a french fry, I didn’t have to bring anything else home with me.

I don’t know. I’m free in the event that I have a job interview, but who the hell am I kidding? I haven’t had one of those since I got here. I’ve had a couple calls from Cincinnati but now that I’ve moved here, I don’t want to turn around and move back now. My parents are still hounding me to finish paying them back for the truck.

I’ve been doing the “maybe if I ignore my bills they will go away” thing lately. I really need to sit down and do those tomorrow. My support group is Wednesday evening at 5:30, so I’ll let you know what I think later. Maybe it’ll be good, I don’t know. I did find out that I can’t do both the group and therapy at once, so I guess I need to just wait and see what happens.

I’ve just been doing so MUCH “wait and see,” I’m ready to DO something.

I think.


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