So I didn’t realize just how much unexpected fireworks unnerve me.
Until the last, oh, several weeks. Multiple people in the neighborhood started setting them off nightly (and at random during the daytime) since Memorial day- over a month ago- and it’s been reaching a feverish pitch. Illegal fireworks are being set off in backyards the size of postage stamps in very dry grass, so we’re all just hoping only the houses belonging to the idiots with said fireworks catch fire, instead of everyone else’s. Now, I’ve been living in various horrible, horrible neighborhoods in Cincinnati for seven years, where gunfire was not an uncommon sound at night, and I still have not been as pants-wettingly terrified as I have been in the last week.
It’s one thing when I go to watch fireworks. Professional fireworks, that are far, far away, that I am anticipating. The endings scare me sometimes (and at one point as a child, I was actually hit by half of a shell from a distance that was utterly baffling and shocked the firework technicians) but I am still expecting the crackaboom.
This? This is from a few doors down the street, and I’m not talking about the sort of fireworks you can buy in Wal-Mart. These are the ones sold at the fireworks stores the second you cross the border into other states, and sometimes they are the goddamn professional-grade, intended to be shot off at a very safe distance and generally over water, kind. These are the ones people lose fingers and eyes and limbs to every year. These are the “hold my beer and watch this” Darwin-winning fireworks. Going off only a few houses away. At all hours.
My sleep hasn’t been the best for some funny reason. I’ve been having panic attacks, and I’m glad my brother’s not here (and hoping his neighborhood isn’t just as bad.) My sister reminded me that he’s been back from Iraq for five or six years now, so he’s lived through this before, but like I said- it’s not the anticipated fireworks that are a problem.
It’s the goddamn idiots trying to catch the entire neighborhood on fire, night after night after night, that are the problem.
At first I thought it was just one house, but tonight I went looking, and identified four separate houses trying to outdo one another, which is just fabulous.
AND THE HOLIDAY ISN’T UNTIL TOMORROW.
I’m going to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow to get an eraser to finish the LAST PROJECT for my sister’s wedding, and invest in some earplugs, because hot damn, this is getting old. And increasingly terrifying.
I might need more klonopin, too.