I made it to group this week, after completely forgetting the week before. I was sort of busy doing wedding-y things and remembered at like, 6:15. This week, I attended, and realized that I’m feeling a lot better in general. I have recovered a lot since I got here- I’ve been able to go DO things, like go to the cabin, go to the beach, and now that I have my car back I feel a lot more comfortable roaming around the countryside. I don’t feel so scared and broken anymore.
I still have my moments, of course. I’m still not sleeping the best, and I’m still prone to being more down than up. I did have a few moments over the weekend where I felt lost and wanted to cry, because I was simply exhausted. I still get emotionally tired very easily and am taking things slowly.
But I’ve found what I think I want to do with my life, in learning ASL and becoming an interpreter, and hopefully someday becoming an ASL therapist, or just doing something to help others in a way that isn’t so emotionally draining. And I have something to look forward to right now, as I get ready for the convention at the end of the month. My friend wants me to come up a couple days early so we can go trawl bead stores, which sounds like a good way for me to spend more of her money, but it’d be fun. I’ve never gotten the opportunity to just wander in Toronto.
While I’m not exactly rolling in money while unemployed, I am definitely able to take advantage of some experiences I might not otherwise get. I haven’t been to a convention in three years due to being perpetually poor, and I never would’ve gotten to go early to just spend time with my friends before. I burn through my vacation and sick days on my mental illness so fast. Maybe once I’m doing something less stressful, I will be able to conserve those days more effectively.
Of course, first I have to actually get hired somewhere, which is a story in and of itself…