So I’ve been a diligent little worker bee at Wendy’s, and have been able to pick things back up easily enough. The ordering system is a bit different and a ton of food has changed, but I’m getting faster at taking orders and fixing my inevitable mistakes with a minimum of trouble (though the one manager I don’t know has been really unhelpful when I mess up, yelling at me about it every time).
They moved my group to Tuesdays after I went to a lot of trouble making sure I had Wednesdays off, so I was able to talk someone into taking my afternoon so I could I finally make it to group after missing it for three weeks in a row. I wound up crying about my situation right now and just how depressed and hopeless I feel right now. I’m making less on minimum wage than I was on unemployment, so I just don’t know what’s going to have to give.
Chihiro needs MORE dental work, as the “iffy” tooth from before has started affecting the teeth near it, and two of the little ones have fallen out completely. I’m stressed and worried about her, and she’s so far away. I started a new fundraiser to hopefully help but right now, I’m so beaten down about it, I don’t even know what to do.
I keep getting denial letters from possible employers. Mom keeps telling me I need a “network” but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that when even temp agencies won’t take me once I explain what happened at my old job.
I just want to give up. I’ve already been stripped of so much; my life, my apartment, my independence, my cat, a good chunk of my furniture, my bike, my sewing machine… All I have left is my car that I don’t know if I can afford, and jewelry that isn’t selling. I don’t have the energy for shows after putting in so much time at Wendy’s, as it’s physically exhausting labor. Even a short four or five hour shift leaves me completely exhausted and drained. I have Wednesday off, but I don’t know what I’ll accomplish other than sleeping and some chores. I have some new jewelry to photograph but I just don’t even care about that anymore.
I’m breaking apart again and I don’t know what to do other than just give in. My heart, pride, and spirit are broken; what else is left to break? If someone is trying to teach me some sort of lesson, I think I’ve learned it now and I’m ready to start over.
Oh, and my brother might be getting a job at the company my sister works at, and thus will move to Cincinnati, the one place I want to be more than anything else.