Haven’t heard anything yet…

…But this is as of Thursday. Hopefully I’ll hear something Friday.

In other news, either it’s audit o’clock at the various places I’ve owed money to, or I REALLY suck at paying my bills, because I just got a refund from yet another place for overpayment. Granted, I’d rather have the $38 than not, but this is the third place I’ve overpayed- or been overcharged by, anyway.

I’m struggling with making myself eat again. I’m not sure why I’m having trouble again, but even as I’m sitting here, typing this, I’m hungry but can’t be bothered to go find food. I don’t know. Part of it is that 90% of the time, I am not interested in eating what’s in the fridge, but I don’t have the money to buy food items I want, and I am worried about what my mom will say if I ask her to buy it for me.

I’m emotionally all over the place. I’m worried about paying bills, and spent my lunch break calling people I owe money to explain that I won’t even get my first paycheck from Wendy’s until next Friday, so everything is going to be late. I have no idea if it’ll even be enough to cover my entire car payment, not to mention every other bill. I’m going to be backwards for months. Chihiro has another surgery in a couple weeks and the fundraiser has only raised $151 of the $1500 I was shooting for, which makes me even more anxious about money, as it’ll be going on the CareCredit card and I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with those payments, either. I can pay the minimum amount and let interest accrue if I have to, but I’d rather not if it can be avoided. I have NO idea how to afford the medication I need right now and every time I ask for help paying for something I feel awful. I NEED my medication, there’s no two ways about it, but there just isn’t enough money for anything right now.

I just want something to go right for once. I’m trying so hard to be a responsible adult but I can’t even get a full 40 hours a week at Wendy’s working only five days a week, and I’m afraid that working six will put me in the hospital. My parents keep talking about me working two jobs and I just can’t even fathom why they think that I would be able to handle that. I’m barely holding it together with one day off every couple days.

I’m tired of wanting to cry all the time, and I’m tired of being physically exhausted on top of the emotional drain. My days off I spend asleep because I’m just so worn out, instead of being able to work on jewelry or photography or something. It’s so frustrating.


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