I didn’t think being underemployed and living at home could be quite this… busy.

I only work about 30 hours at Wendy’s, as much more than that stresses me out, and rather than the solitude of myself and a cat (or myself, a cat, a roommate and a dog) I now live with my parents, their dog, my brother, and his two-year-old son. I am far, far busier than I ever expected to be, with impromptu babysitting often taking up large chunks of my time, along with crafting- especially for Christmas.

I gave a local holiday craft bazaar a shot and it sucked. I only brought in $40. The table itself was $20, and I spent more than $40 in supplies in anticipation. The stuff I made is at the consignment shop. I’ll be checking in on it tomorrow, actually, after work. I can get paid for the previous month’s sales after the 15th. I’m not sure if I had any sales in November or if they’ve been in December, but still, actually making money on the pieces I spent a lot of time working on, would be nice. Last time I checked I had sold one piece, and that was weeks ago, and all of my stuff was displayed right by the register or on mannequins to hopefully inspire impulse buys. I was the only local artist who did any holiday-centric pieces, so I got to cash in on the impulse-section real estate. (That, and she really likes my work, as it is the only stuff that ends up on the mannequins. I am totally okay with this.)

In amazing news, I went exactly two months without a single sick day! Which I then promptly broke the very next day by catching the stomach bug that’s going around at Wendy’s. I wasn’t too symptomatic in the morning so I went TO work, and then got sent home later when the stomach pains turned into the much more delightful symptoms of a stomach flu. I have not gone two months without a sick day in years. I honestly don’t remember the last time I did such a thing. And even with missing a couple hours last week, I still hit my targeted 28 hours for the week, adding to the 35 I managed the week before when I picked up a close. Psychologically, I’m feeling pretty good. I am not attending any groups as I was finally kicked out of the other one for being horrifically inconsistent with showing up, and the only other group locally is at a really weird time that is not compatible with my work schedule AT ALL, and as my car is presently not insured, going out of town for groups is a bit out of reach right now… not to mention I really, really don’t get much out of groups. I’m still taking my meds, of course, but otherwise, my psychological health is kind of on the back burner… and not really thinking about it that hard seems to be helping a bit. It’s easy enough to get wrapped up in one’s health conditions, after all; getting too caught up in my bipolar disorder was making me symptomatic too, I think.

That, and I’m frankly too tired to think about it. Work is very physically taxing, and letting my mind rest quite a bit. The biggest challenges I face during the day is remaining polite and nice when people are being horrible to me, and keeping up with the pace all day when it’s particularly crazy. (I do not like Gospel Nights. I will have to tell you about Gospel Nights.) When I leave, while I might feel aggravated it’s easily grumbled out and a nice hot shower and some food cures most ills, and painkillers can help with how much my feet and back hurt. I don’t have to bring problems home. Now that things are going better with the one manager that was giving me so many problems, I am not a nervous wreck at work (well, not too often; today I was, but in my defense, it was Gospel Night.) I don’t have paperwork, or particularly vexing challenges to puzzle over. I do a lot of cleaning, and cleaning is very zen-like for me. My coworkers think I’m nuts for how much I clean, but I figure if my hands are busy, time goes faster, and I take a lot of pride in having a clean dining room for customers. I burn a lot of physical energy at work, but not a whole lot of mental energy. I feel more capable of a challenge now than I have in ages.

After the holiday, I plan to start looking back in Cincinnati and other places to find a new job. I can’t do what I love here; I miss case management a lot. I want to get to grad school, I want to take classes in ASL (I have now taken orders in Sign three times, and felt like an idiot, but learning a new language is fun) and possibly become an interpreter, or a therapist, or a therapist who is fluent in ASL, which is probably a niche that might actually lead to something resembling an income. I want to be able to drive my car again. I miss my cat. I miss my friends, I miss my city. I just want to get back in the game. I feel a lot better, and I think a professional job will be something I can handle again.

I also definitely need to get back into blogging daily. I’ll see what I can do.


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