Sort of finding my groove, a little at a time.

I have no idea how I had been sooooo consistent with M-F updates for as long as I did. Maybe I wasn’t feeling as busy back then as I do right now. I’ve been working on jewelry, and under a bit of a deadline as mom wants the kitchen table back, and thus I need to excavate my desk to make room for making jewelry in here. It’s not a bad thing, as I really need to put things where they live again, rather than the floordrobe I keep ending up with. Unfuck Your Habitat only works if I, y’know, keep at it. For the most part, I’ve been keeping up with my room, other than the desk and the area of bead stuff that is slowly oozing out of the corner and across the floor. I need to re-organize and get some stuff in the mail ANYWAY.

Bills continue to freak me out, as I never have quite enough on every paycheck to pay for everything that needs to be paid for, or I forget something, etc, etc. I need to get the paperwork done to get the nice folks at CFS II to get my debt heading in the right direction. The sheer levels of anxiety are getting to me, and what’s crazy is that is literally one of two whole sources of anxiety right now. The other being finding a better job, which I also find myself putting off, despite desperately needing a better job in order to get my debt- and my life!- sorted out. Augh. Instead I panic and work on jewelry or goof around on the intermawebs and accomplish very little, as often instead of making stuff I just sort beads. A useful task in its own right, of course, but not productive in a “I can make monies off of this” sort of way. I’m just working on sorting beads into smaller categories, such as sorting out my pink mid into hot pink and pastel pink.

I feel mostly useless a lot of the time, but at least I’m not depressed much anymore. Thank heavens for small favors, I guess.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Sort of finding my groove, a little at a time.

  1. TC

    I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been following this blog since the beginning, and you’re such an unbelievably strong and wonderful person. You give me so much hope just by being here, and I look forward to every one of your updates, knowing I’ll be able to watch you get better and better. You just . . . you BAFFLE me with how compassionate and amazing you stay through all that’s happened (especially in the past year), and seeing you keep on and keep on has seriously boosted my faith in everything.

    • Awww, thanks! *blushing* The last year has been particularly hellish, and I’m honestly surprised that I not only made it through but I’m far, far healthier now than I was this time last year. So to be honest, I baffle myself, too. XD

      Thank you so, so much for your message. It makes the whole blog feel worthwhile to know that people are reading it, and feeling hope that things can get better. Thanks for your message. ❤

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