So I haven’t been posting much, mostly because, well, I actually feel pretty good lately. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this well in my life, to be honest. A lot of the automatic BS that my brain would come up with has just sort of… disappeared. My usual response to just about anything going anything less than perfect was “Holy shit, that was awful, I should kill myself.” Now when things go wrong, it’s more like, “Well, crap, that sucked. How can we do better?” Gone is the constant ideation of suicide, always lurking in my brain. Mind, it’s still popped up a time or two, but it’s not like it used to be. I realized that I’ve never really had an opportunity to just get better. Even after my breakdown in college, I went right back to school and finished the semester (terribly, but I finished it), worked all summer, and finished college. I then moved to Cincinnati the day after my graduation ceremony and started my life as an adult right away. Granted, I was functioning, but I was never *better.* It’s hard to believe that losing my job a year ago might have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but the evidence is hard to deny. It’s been a long, hard road, and painful as hell, but I’m doing a lot better mentally than I have ever before. I’ve been able to *write* again, like I used to, back before. I can only hope it lasts.
I know I’ve mentioned before that, in order to do mental health case management here in Michigan, I need my master’s degree and a social work license, so finding a job in my field has been pretty much impossible. My mom recently found a listing for a child protective services worker here in town, and I looked into it. I just need my bachelor’s and experience, which I have lots and lots of, so I tried to apply, but they needed my college transcript. It took ages to get it coordinated with my alma mater but I finally got a copy (three pages of application and ten dollars later for three pages of paper someone had to print and sign, because they don’t do digital copies, despite their website proudly announcing how high-tech they are) and mom scanned it at work for me, as I haven’t had a scanner in years. So on Wednesday, I applied to that, and about fourteen other jobs in the state that I have ample experience and the right level of education for. I also found a virtual career fair that was going on that day, so I applied to 15-20 jobs on there, too.
When I got out of work on Thursday, while waiting for my brother to come pick me up, I checked my messages. I actually had a message about the child services job, asking me if I could interview next Wednesday.
I don’t think I’ve ever called someone back that fast in my LIFE. I probably sounded like a blathering idiot on the phone, but I was so excited. This is the first interview I’ve been offered in MONTHS, and I applied for the job only 24 hours beforehand. I am just beyond myself with excitement. My hope has been to get a new job for my birthday next month. I might actually, y’know, get it. It feels really, really good to have some hope again. I’m pretty sure I’m going to float through work tomorrow. I’ll be getting up early to try and call again in the morning before I have to go to Wendy’s, so I get to actually talk to the woman versus setting all of this up via voicemail.
I’m just SO excited! Keep your fingers crossed!