“It’s too hard!”

So one of the clients at my new agency says everything is too hard, and tonight I’m feeling it. I had CPI training Tuesday, which means I learned how to deescalate and also how to get out of various assaults- blocking a hit or a kick, getting out of a hair grab or bite, etc. Then I had the brilliant idea to pick up my nephew from daycare on my way home, and spent a solid three hours with him, alone, while attempting to feed the kid dinner. He is still fun, but he is getting more energetic and BUSY all the time. Once my brother got home, I was hoping to be done, but my brother had to mow the lawn, so I watched Frozen with my nephew and tried not to feel completely overwhelmed.

It didn’t work, but I tried.

I’ve also had a complete disaster in my room, and a couple of orders that need to be finished and/or just shipped out. I cleaned my room top to bottom Monday, dusting, putting things away, organizing, etc., and now I can’t find the components I need to finish a commission I’ve been trying to finish for MONTHS now. ONE STUPID CHARM, and I can’t find the darn thing! Both that commissioner, and the buyer of the other piece, have been promised a bonus piece because I have been too disorganized and busy to get their stuff done and out in a timely manner.

I got the shipping info printed for the one, and now I need to figure out what I’m sending as the bonus piece, and package it all up to go out in the mail. And now that I’ve got my beads more or less all in the same place, I can figure out where the heck I managed to lose that package of charms. As my room is more or less full of beads and charms, it’s going to be a challenge. They’re more or less contained right now, but I didn’t see that package at ALL while cleaning, so lord only knows where I managed to stash it.

In other, awesome news, I’ve started full time doing all kinds of things at my new agency. The 16 hours I’m a case manager, I get paid $15.62 for. The rest of the time, I have been started at $10, which is $1.50 more than the regular DSWs get started at, because of my experience and training and because I am willing to do an awful lot just to be employed full time in one place. I presently have like, three jobs there. Once I did the math, I realized I’m already making more than I did at my first case management agency, and am only about $800 shy annually of my second agency. If I’m able to boost up the case management portion another day or two, it’ll be even better.

Now I have to sort out insurance, which is going to be a pain, as my agency doesn’t provide it. Obamacare had already closed down because I was planning to go with Medicaid once the expansion started in Michigan on April 1st, and then I got a job and figured I’d get insurance through it, so now I get to figure out who to go with, insurance-wise. Worst case, I stay in my present holding pattern, and wait until October when open enrollment starts again. I’m pretty sure no insurance agency is going to say “Nope, we’re not taking your money” now that they can’t turn me down due to pre-existing conditions, but I don’t put much past any of them. I do NOT want to have to negotiate this.

Mom and I are going to sit down and look over my budget again, though I won’t get a paycheck for full-time at my new agency for three weeks, so I won’t know exactly where I’m going to fall money-wise every week. (Also, I’ve got some overtime this week, so it won’t be representative of every week.) I also had accidentally filed away a debt of around $600 in my “already paid” folder so gah. I did get a bill from my old therapist’s office finally, and I owe them less than I thought- by about $300, actually- so I suppose it could be worse. Another debt that I paid off last SEPTEMBER decided to send me a bill for an additional $50 recently, so I need to call and yell at someone there, too. My phone continues to ring non-stop with autodialers, and some are telemarketers and some aren’t, but I just don’t answer the phone, anymore. It will ring up until 9:00 some nights, and starts right up at 6:00 am.

Just writing it out seems to be helping some with the overall anxiety I’m feeling. I just have so many things to do, and so few braincells to rub together today, it seems. Being at one place full time is going to help, though; even if I’m wearing different hats, I will be able to keep my shit together a little better, as I’m not transitioning from professional work to customer service on a weekly basis. Transitioning around within the agency, I think, will be helped by wearing scrubs for my DCW work, and I found some really cute ones. Business casual for case management days, and scrubs for DCW days. I have to figure out what I can wear as activity driver, as I don’t know if it’ll be cool to wander in scrubs with clients out in public. We’ll see.

I have so many questions to ask, I don’t even know where to start. I just want to get my life in order again. I’m getting so close I can taste it, and it’s tantalizing. I really need to keep on track with my sleep, eating, caffeine, and exercise habits; of course, as some of my DCW shifts are second shift, I still won’t have a consistent schedule every day, but ah well. We talked about work/life balance at the training and I really need to zealously schedule time for my needs during the day, and develop a healthy balance.


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